I’ve been very amused by the recent popularity of “carbon offsets,” the newest idea from the Global Warming we’re-all-going-to-die crowd. Actually, whoever invented the carbon offset is a genius. What, you don’t know what a carbon offset is? You stone-aged ignorant freak! Let me enlighten you.
Al Gore, Forrest Gump turned international rock star, says the earth is warming, and Man is to blame. The theory goes that increased greenhouse gas emissions (CO2) are increasing the earth’s average temperature. Though the greater scientific community agrees that some climate change is occurring, there is significant debate over the scope, cause, and results. While the theory has been tossed around for a couple decades now, only recently has it become chic. “Going green” is the new thing now. Many activist websites feature a carbon footprint calculator, which allows you to calculate just how much you are contributing to the destruction of the planet. The goal is to live a “carbon neutral lifestyle.”
While Al Gore didn’t invent global warming (he hung up his inventor’s cap after the Internet), he has ridden the hype to international fame and fortune. “The debate is over,” says Al. If sale numbers for his book and the success of his movie are any proof, his message has been well received.
At this year’s Academy Awards, Gore’s crowning moment finally came. I wanted to puke. But much to my delight, the backlash has begun. Shortly after the Al Gore Worship Hour aired, the Tennessee Center for Policy Research released a report revealing the Climate Messiah’s personal energy use. Turns out Gore is quite the energy burner:
The average household in America consumes 10,656 kilowatt-hours (kWh) per year, according to the Department of Energy. In 2006, Gore devoured nearly 221,000 kWh—more than 20 times the national average.
Last August alone, Gore burned through 22,619 kWh—guzzling more than twice the electricity in one month than an average American family uses in an entire year. As a result of his energy consumption, Gore’s average monthly electric bill topped $1,359.
Since the release of An Inconvenient Truth, Gore’s energy consumption has increased from an average of 16,200 kWh per month in 2005, to 18,400 kWh per month in 2006.
Gore’s extravagant energy use does not stop at his electric bill. Natural gas bills for Gore’s mansion and guest house averaged $1,080 per month last year.
But wait! Gore is no hypocrite! How, you ask? Carbon offsets, my friend. Gore buys carbon offsets.
Some ingenius capitalist a few years ago came up with this brilliant idea. Here’s how it works-You want to go green, but just can’t bear to give up that private jet, the 10,000 square foot house, and the SUV. No worries! Simply pay a third party who balances your carbon emissions by being carbon neutral themselves. Cool, huh?
That way enlightened environmentalists can continue living their lavish, earth ravaging lifestyles and still go to bed at night. One problem- there is no way to make sure these companies are making good on their word. The customer is no longer accountable for his carbon footprint, and the offset company isn’t accountable to the customer. Customer is happy, offset provider is happy. Mother Earth sheds tears of joy.
I think the Greens are on to something here. I’d like to buy a few sin offsets, please. Being LDS these days is just too tough. I want to live my religion, but I’m just too darn busy. How great would it be to pay somebody else to live righteous for you? Too busy to go to church on Sunday? No problem. Just pay the sin offset company to send somebody for you! Didn’t get that home teaching done again? Grab your checkbook! Tired of resisting that urge to hit on your smokin’ hot secretary? Relax. Just pay an offset volunteer to not cheat on his wife.
Just when I thought leftist greenies couldn’t any shallower, they prove me wrong again. At least Gore is balancing out his energy consumption, right? That’s better than nothing, isn’t it? Heck yeah. Especially when you consider this gem from the blogger Bill Hobbs, via WSJ’s James Taranto:
But how Gore buys his “carbon offsets,” as revealed by The Tennessean raises serious questions. According to the newspaper’s report, Gore buys his carbon offsets through Generation Investment Management:
Gore helped found Generation Investment Management, through which he and others pay for offsets. The firm invests the money in solar, wind and other projects that reduce energy consumption around the globe . . .
Gore is chairman of the firm and, presumably, draws an income or will make money as its investments prosper. In other words, he “buys” his “carbon offsets” from himself, through a transaction designed to boost his own investments and return a profit to himself. To be blunt, Gore doesn’t buy “carbon offsets” through Generation Investment Management-he buys stocks. . . .
Seems Gore is much smarter than I thought he was!
